


P.M.S.

by terma_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Alternate Universe, Episode: s03e16 Apocrypha, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-01-01
Updated: 2000-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:48:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26535358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terma_archivist/pseuds/terma_archivist
Summary: The boys are picked up by some curious aliens and must learn to deal with the consequences.
Relationships: Alex Krycek/Fox Mulder
Collections: TER/MA





	P.M.S.

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alicettlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [TER/MA](https://fanlore.org/wiki/TER/MA) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [the TER/MA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/terma/profile).  
> TER/MA January 2000 Challenge. This month I am going to do what I vowed I would never do. I am actually encouraging authors to write a Mary Sue piece. This means I want the author to create a character which is a portrayal of themselves in the story. It doesn't have to be an accurate portrayal, just a character that represents some part of yourself that interacts with the boys. Often this gets done by accident in stories, so I am sure that we can do it on purpose. —Rowanne

  


**P.M.S.  
by Awena**

  
The two beings, safely ensconced in their ship, miles above the earth, knew themselves to be far superior to the pitiful earthlings below in every conceivable way. However, with all their great intellect they still could not figure out just what these two particular humans were doing. Theclicks and squeaks emanating from the vicinity of their heads soon sorted themselves, for expediency's sake, into words: 

_I still think it's a mating ritual_

=But that one just punched the other in the face= 

_Yes, but see how this one keeps pressing the other into the wall with hips. He's definitely initiating a sexual response_

=I don't know...= 

_Remember Xenon V, the Vervs there cut each other's heads off before mating._

=Yes, Yes, but they grew right back...This looks different somehow. They seem to hate each other, so much violence, and yet...= 

_Enough speculating. If we are to learn anything about these humans wemust have some samples—to study. Might as well be these two_

=Very well. At least we can discover exactly what feeling these two have for each other.= 

* * *

Mulder couldn't remember how the fight started. He could barely remember chasing Alex into that dark alleyway. He definitely could not remember how he got into this small, sterile looking room. The walls and floor were made of some gleaming metal, seamless and very sturdy looking. The only sound was a gentle humming that seemed to emanate from everywhere at once. Suddenly a doorway appeared where there once was only a wall and a nakedand very stunned looking Alex Krycek tumbled in. The door disappeared. 

Mulder realized, with a certainty he hadn't felt in at least the last half hour, that 'this' was all somehow Krycek's fault. 

"Rat Bastard" he cried as he launched himself at Alex's prone form only to smack quite painfully into an invisible barrier, evidently separating the two halves of the room. Krycek looked up at Mulder's battlecry just in time to see him thud rather gracelessly (for Mulder) into 'nothing' then land in a sprawl on the floor. He couldn't help it. He started laughing—at the aborted attack, at Mulder's naked sprawl of arms and legs before him, atthe whole situation. 

"What the hell are you laughing at Krycek" Mulder scowled. He scowled so nicely, Krycek noticed as he clutched his sides in mirth. 

"It had to happen sooner or later, Mulder." Krycek gasped out "With you, anything can happen." 

"What, What's happened?! What do you know about all this?" Mulder stood, glaring gloriously in all his nudity. The very sight sobered Krycek immediately and caused a definite tightening of the muscles in his groin. However, before he could come up with a suitable answer, the floor disappeared under Mulder's feet and he vanished with a scream. Alex stood and peered at the floor where Mulder last stood and shrugged. 

"You figure it out." 

* * *

Mulder's head ached with a passion, his body hurt all over and he prayed with the desperation of a damned soul that he hadn't been given an anal probe. 

"So, they give you an anal probe, Mulder?" 

"What...No!...Why...Did you.." Mulder stopped babbling at Alex's smirk and grumbled "Yeah well you'd probably like it." 

Alex just looked innocently up at the ceiling. 

* * *

_Maybe we should have given them the probe._

=Oh you and your anal probe. I told you it was unnecessary.= 

_It is not! The probe provides a wealth of sensory information..._

=Ha! For you maybe... Alright, let's go over these test results. Let's see, the older human has some curious physiological anomalies. He seems tobe, in every way, a male yet he bears what appears to be a female reproductive organ.= 

_How can that be? All the humans we've previously studied exhibit only one gender. Is he self-propagative?_

=No, the organ in question is merely that. A uterus, I believe it is called. He contains none of the other female reproductive organsnecessary for propagation.= 

_A mutation then. Or some direct manipulation of his DNA. That's it! Look at these blood results. His DNA was deliberately altered congenitally. But for what purpose?_

=How very strange. We knew humans have been making great advances inthe genetic sciences, but this...? I wonder...= The alien broke off, staring at the two human subjects. 

_What? Oh no, you're not thinking about trying it are you?_

=Why not? It would be a fascinating experiment. We can easily manipulate their genetic material to create a fertilized egg. He appears fully capable of carrying it to term.= 

_Yes, I suppose so. But we will need a rather large sample from each of them._

=Of course. We can retrieve the material from the older one during the procedure. The other... I think he can be persuaded to give us a sample.= 

* * *

Alex awoke in yet another room, this one empty but for a rather coldlooking metal chair standing in the middle of the room. A doorway appeared andtwo creatures shuffled in, one dressed in green and the other in red. They looked at Alex rather speculatively, then Green walked up and handed Alex a metal vial. The vial was wide mouthed and about the size of his hand. He looked back up at his captor. 

"What the hell am I supposed to do with this? What do you want from me?" Green glanced back at Red, pointed at Alex's midsection and then at the vial. Alex was confused. 

"I don't understand? What...?" Alex broke off as Red moved towards him, causing Alex to back away until his legs hit the seat of the chair and he sat down abruptly. 

It _was_ cold. 

Red pointed, this time directly at Alex's groin and again at the vial. Alex suddenly understood. 

"Are you nuts?! I can't..I won't..There aren't even any magazines.." 

Green moved to stand directly over Alex, jabbed a finger at Alex's groin, pointed at the vial, then made a universally understood motion of a finger slicing across its long neck. Alex got the picture and shook his head as the aliens left the room. He sighed.. 

"The things I do to stay alive." 

* * *

Alex looked wiped. He'd stumbled back into the room and curled up into a ball, with his back facing Mulder. Mulder suddenly felt sorry for the guy. 

"Want to talk about it?" He asked gently. Alex whimpered, then groaned ashe sat up, chin on his knees. 

"Five times, Mulder. They made me do it _five_ times." 

Alex's voice sounded hoarse, as if he'd been yelling or crying. Mulder shivered. "God, Alex. What did they do to you?". Alex closed his eyes. 

"They took a sample from me." He swallowed. "A sperm sample." Mulder'seyes grew wide. 

"How? How did they extract it?" he asked, although somewhat afraid of the answer. 

Alex was hesitant, then made an impatient sound. 

"They didn't 'extract' it, Mulder. The put me in a room and gave me a...a cup." "Five times" he said wonderingly, "I can't believe I'm still alive." 

He glanced back at Mulder from under his eyelashes, almost hoping for a little sympathy and was surprised to see the older man hunched over, his body shaking as if racked with great sobs. 

"God, Mulder, it wasn't _that_ bad. I mean, maybe they won't want any from you...Alex stopped when Mulder rolled over and howled, not with fear, but with laughter. 

"A cup! They gave you a cup!" Mulder had tears rolling down his face from laughing so hard. "So did they give you any porno mags, Alex? Playalien maybe, Vulcan Vixens..." 

Alex swore, loudly, in every language he could think of. He rolled over and curled into as tight a ball as he could and tried to ignore the almost hysterical laughter coming from the other man. He didn't even look up when Mulder's laughter turned into a yelp as the floor vanished again and the older man disappeared. Alex smiled to himself. 

"Yeah, I hope they give you an anal probe. In fact I'd be happy to give you one myself." Alex entertained himself with such lovely visions until he finally fell into an exhausted sleep. 

* * *

=The procedure is a success! The ova is already beginning to divide, and the uterus is preparing for implantation. Excellent!= 

_You know, if this experiment is to be a complete success, the two subjects should really..well..mate. In order for a bond to be created between the two._

=You still think they are sexually compatible? I suppose it wouldn't hurt to give them a chance. But I won't let either of them get hurt. We have invested too much time to allow the experiment to go awry now.= 

_Of course. They will be unable to inflict physical damage upon each other. Once they realize this, surely they will become aware of the true nature of their emotions._

=We shall see.= 

* * *

It was shortly after Mulder's return that Alex made a discovery. Bored, Alex prowled around his side of the room, feeling the walls and floors for signs of cracks and testing the limits of the barrier that separated the two halves. He was gently nudging the barrier with his hands when it suddenly vanished, as though a switch had been turned off. Alex tentatively stepped into the other side of the room, then jumped back again, wondering if it would switch back on. Finally he dismissed it and crouched over Mulder's sleeping form, gently shaking his shoulder. Mulder awoke with a start. 

"What is it?" he asked before he became aware that his enemy was kneeling over him. Immediately he swung his fist at Alex's face but before his fist impacted Mulder felt a searing bolt of pain in his arm. Gasping he pulled back and the pain vanished, just as quickly as it had started. Alex recovered from his defensive crouch, stood, and prepared to deliver a vicious kick to Mulder's ribs when he felt burning pain racing through his body. He fell to the floor panting and the pain vanished. Both men sat, gasping for air and glaring at each other in anger and confusion. Mulder broke the silence first. 

"It appears they don't want us fighting each other." 

"Well what do they expect us to do, behave civilly." Alex said sarcastically. 

"You couldn't behave if you tried, Krycek!" 

Alex flushed and struck out at Mulder with his foot, only to pull it back in pain. "Dammit!" he swore. Mulder smirked, then looked away. 

"Well what do we do now, Krycek? What are they waiting for?" 

Alex looked at the older man, then slowly reached out and touched Mulder lightly on the shoulder. 

"Appears we can touch each other, just not violently." 

Mulder snorted and shrugged off the gentle touch. "Fascinating deduction Sherlock, but what good does that do us?" 

"Well, maybe for once, we can actually resolve something without you pounding on me!" Alex replied angrily. 

"I have nothing to say to you, Krycek. You're a lying bastard whose moral dipstick is..." 

"Oh Shut Up, Mulder!" Furious, Alex scooted as far away from Mulder as he could in the small room. If thoughts could hurt at that moment, both men would be writhing in pain. 

* * *

_This isn't working. They're not _bonding_. Why won't they DO something instead of just sitting there glaring at one another._

=Yes, I fear we must go the old-fashioned route to ensure a successful bonding.= 

_That's so cliche. We might as well put them in a cave somewhere. Can I at least break one of their legs, the skinny one's perhaps?_

=No, I think they've been through enough. Proceed with the plan.= 

* * *

"Mulder, I'm freezing over here! It must have dropped 30 degrees in the last hour. Are they trying to kill us?" Alex shivered violently. "You know Mulder, statistically, we have a better chance of staving off hypothermia if we share body warmth." 

"You were always good with statistics, weren't you Alex." Mulder sighed and shivered. "Oh alright." He scooted over to where Alex was sitting and hesitantly put his arms around the other man. Alex immediately burrowed into Mulder's chest. 

"God, you feel warm, Mulder. Do you have a fever or something?" 

"I don't know, maybe." Mulder closed his eyes then yelped. "Your hands are freezing..Hey, stay away from that!" 

"Mmmm, but Mulder, it's the warmest part of you." Alex murmured and continued his investigations. 

"Krycek, cut that out! Alex.. _gasp_ " Mulder suddenly froze as Alex's fingers reached a particularly sensitive place. "Alex, do that again." He whispered. 

"You like that, do ya..How about this." Alex pulled Mulder into a tight embrace with the older man lying on top of his body. Running the fingers of one hand through Mulder's silky hair, Alex pulled his head down and they kissed, lightly at first, then with increasing ferocity. Alex ran his free hand down the other man's lightly muscled body, down his long back, pausing to caress the soft hip, then continuing to the buttocks, squeezing gently. Mulder moaned into Alex's mouth and ground his hips into the younger man's. Alex responded by planting soft bites along Mulder's jaw, fluttering his tongue in the gentle swirl of an ear, then moving back to Mulder's swollen lips. Alex rolled them over so that his body covered Mulder's and with soft kisses and licks, worked his way down to Mulder's chest. Alex glanced up at Mulder's face and was caught in his gaze. Heavy-lidded with desire, Mulder's eyes seemed endlessly deep. Alex thought he would gladly drown in those depths. 

"Have you any idea how long I've wanted this." Alex murmured softly, while nuzzling the silky curls on Mulder's chest. 

"I know, Alex. I know." Mulder replied just as softly as he pulled Alex's head up for another soul-searing kiss. Their hips began to move against each other, creating a delicious friction between the hardened erections. Mulder reached down to grasp both cocks in his hand and began a slow, pumping motion. 

"Oh God, Mulder! I'm gonna..."Alex cried out as Mulder suddenly squeezed the base of his erection, effectively stopping him from coming. 

"With me, Alex. You're going to come with me and not a moment before." Mulder began the exquisite pumping again, grinding their now slippery erections together. Alex thrust into the motion, grasping Mulder's buttocks with both hands, pulling their hips even closer together. Mulder groaned and pulled faster with the one hand and grasping Alex's damp hair with the other. Holding his head firmly, Mulder kissed him until they both gasped for breath. 

"Now, Alex! I want you now!" Mulder cried into the younger man's neck as their bodies arched against each other in agonizing, gut-wrenching pleasure. They came simultaneously, drenching each other with hot, sticky moisture. 

Panting and gasping for breath, both men held each other for a long time before their bodies and heart-rates calmed and they fell into a deep sleep, still cradled in each others arms. 

* * *

=Well (cough) I think _that_ could be called a successful bonding= 

_Umm, uh huh_

=IF you can pry your eyes off the vid screen, It is time to begin the release process.= 

_Yeah..Release process..right. Oh wait, can't we keep them. I'll take good care of them, really. They can have their own bed..I mean quarters, and.._

=You know that would defeat the whole purpose of the experiment. Remember, we will be keeping up with the progress of these two humans. Now, begin the release process.= 

* * *

Mulder awoke, groaning as his head once again felt like it would explode. Gingerly sitting up, Mulder realized that he was not only clothed but sitting in the alley where he had first chased Krycek... _Alex_ Mulder stood, a bit too fast, and searched the alley for his ex-partner.. _lover?_ He heard a low groan just then and spotted Alex near a dumpster. 

"Alex, are you alright?" Mulder found himself cradling Alex's head and stroking his forehead. Alex moaned softly and looked up at the man holding him. 

"Mulder?" He croaked. "Yeah, I'm ok. What about you?" Alex shook his head slowly, as he tried to clear his thoughts. 

"I'm fine" Mulder replied. "They let us go. Just like that." He looked wonderingly up at the sky. I wonder how long we were gone?" 

"No telling. Hey, I thought abductees never remembered their experiences. At least not in great detail." Alex looked at Mulder then swiftly looked away as a his face began to flush. "I remember everything." 

"I know, Alex. So do I. Question is, what do we do about it now?" 

Alex was suddenly scared. Terrified actually. The previous night had been a wet dream come true. Alex never imagined that it would actually happen, much less that Mulder actually wanted it as much as he did. The whole situation suddenly seemed utterly overwhelming and he knew that he had to get away from Mulder or he would never be able to leave him. He pulled away from Mulder's embrace and stumbled to his feet. 

"What do we do, Mulder? We forget it ever happened. All of it!" Alex saw the hurt look on Mulder's face and turned away. He couldn't look Mulder in the eye, not now. "I have things to do, Mulder. People to kill, remember." He started to walk away, then turned to look at Mulder's confused and furious expression. 

"And the next time you get abducted, Mulder, I don't want to know about it." 

Alex walked out of the alley quickly, not wanting to hear Mulder's response. Too late. 

"You BASTARD! The next time I see you I'm going to blow your fucking head off!" 

Alex just kept walking, feeling his heart break at the enraged words being hurled at him from the alley. He knew he was doing the right thing. He was certain.. _wasn't he_. 

* * *

Mulder called Scully as soon as he got back to his apartment. He was certain that she would be giddy with relief when she found he was back home and safe. The fact that is was three in the morning didn't even occur to him as a problem. A very sleepy voice answered the phone after several rings. 

"Scully, it's me! I'm back!" 

"Mulder? Do you know what time it is?" 

"But Scully, weren't you worried about me?" 

"I'm always worried about you Mulder, for a number of reasons." Scully replied dryly. "What's this all about, Mulder?" 

Mulder felt somewhat deflated at Scully's tone. "Umm, Scully? When was the last time you saw me?" 

"The last time I saw you?..That would have been Friday afternoon, at work. Are you sure you're feeling alright?" 

Mulder sat down abruptly on his couch. "Oh, so I haven't been missing or anything.." he trailed off when he heard Scully's sigh of exasperation. 

"Mulder...you haven't been drinking have you? You know that can result in blackouts and.." 

"No, I have not been drinking. I remember everything that happened to me, I just wasn't sure how much time had passed." 

"What happened to you, Mulder? What is this all about?" Scully was beginning to sound concerned now. 

"I..It's just..." he sighed. "Nothing, Scully. I was just..confused for a while there. I'm alright now." He felt very tired suddenly and knew he couldn't tell Scully what had happened. Not yet. 

"Alright, Mulder. If you're sure you're OK. Do you want to see a doctor or anything. I can arrange something.." 

"No, no Scully. I'm fine. I just need some sleep." 

"Don't we all. I'll see you tomorrow then." 

"Right, tomorrow. Bye Scully." 

He was so tired, yet he couldn't stop thinking. Finally, after all his searching, he comes face to face with real extraterrestrials. And does he learn anything, does he ask them where Samantha is, what the meaning of the universe is? No, he has sex with Alex Krycek! That's what bothered him the most. He should be elated at making the greatest discovery of his lifetime, and all he can see is Alex's face, Alex's body writhing in pleasure beneath his own. Mulder shook his head violently. He would NOT think about that lying bastard. He could not. Not after what Alex said in the alley. He didn't want to admit how much those words hurt. He would go on as if nothing had happened. It would be easy. Despite being abducted, he felt that he had been released relatively unharmed. He didn't seem to have any implants—and he _had_ looked everywhere. Why had they been abducted anyway? It made no sense. Mulder lay back on the couch and stared at the T.V., the mindless drivel slowly lulling him into a deep sleep. 

* * *

Rating: NC-17 for m/m sex.   
Pairing: M/K   
Feedback: Please! [email removed]   
Website: <http://www.geocities.com/Athens/2902/index.html>  
Spoilers: None really. Takes place after Apocrypha. Beyond that, consider this AU, and perhaps just a little bit silly.   
Disclaimers: Are you kidding? Do you really think CC would sanction this!   
Summary: The boys are picked up by some curious aliens and must learn to deal with the consequences.   
---


End file.
